The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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