I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
