I love black thongs
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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