how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
