pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
