in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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