Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
