He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
