A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My cat gives me a boner
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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