I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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