Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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