so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
