the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
