My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her vagine was all disorganized.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
