Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Randomize
