Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
