Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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