Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't turn off my feet"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
