Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
