so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
