It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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