At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
