i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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