I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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