she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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