took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
