oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
