there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
