He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
