Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
