It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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