If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
