All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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