He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
