Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
