My room smells like vodka and shame
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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