You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
