I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
