His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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