I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
