Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
