Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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