She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
