I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
