Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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