I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
