Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
