I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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