____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
