Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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