yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
