dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is my gift to your gina
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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